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Denial isn’t just about a river….

March 25, 2011 // Posted in !Share (Tags: , , ) |  No Comments

My name is Wayne and I’m a computerholic. It all started 1999 with the arrival of my first Dell Desktop. I consulted with our IT department on what to get. A bottomless pit 20 gigs hard drive, 256 MB of blistering ram, a 56k modem of unheard of speed, “Unheard of.” A DVD reader and CD burner, a vivid 17 inch svelte LCD monitor, stereo speakers and a subwoofer that still rocks. It was the throne to my empire. The internet was still in its infancy and I was limited to using it only at work. I remember the fax machine joke craze, the Outlook email frenzies, but the computer and internet blow the lid off the camcorder. Windows 98 was ushering us to the cutting edge and I wanted to tap that pulse. My curiosity was satiated with the endless amount of information I could acquired from the click of a mouse. Soon I grew tired clicking away and wanted to be more proactive. A website was in order and the seduction began. I’d championed my domain name; secured a hosting company and cracked the obstacle of co, co-ding. New software introduced new ways of thinking. I started bridging my art into the computer. Endless possibilities landscape my environment and the word no meant nothing. I’ll do this, finds this and exploit that, Gradual my art waned to a block. Graphic art was a quick fix but it was more reactionary than problem solving. I couldn’t see the elephant in the room for all the software, things and stuff I simply had to get and know.
In 2003, I got my second Dell, More power, space, speed and 19inch flat panel screen. I learned many lessons on that machine. I was very confident in my computer skills and was willing to take more risks. I was on XP Professional and discovered an effective tool it offered: encryption. A blessing when used properly. Foolishly, I disable my virus protection for a file to download faster and got my first virus! Reinstalling was fine until I couldn’t find the floppy disk with my encryption key to restore files from my external drive…hmm? My first defeat was at hand and a costly one. I soon realized the significant of that key. Though the external drive had a copy of my key, it and all my other files were encrypted. I could see the file, but was denied access. I spiral deeper into the computer. I couldn’t stop. Creatively, I was in my darkest hour. I scored my first SF art show in 2004, was accepted into City Art Gallery and appeared on HGTV but I was miserable. It was painful fielding questions about what I was creating. I viewed those opportunities as a way to kick-start my creative juices but I lacked the emotional maturity of what being an artist meant and buried my head in the computer. Creatively, I was dead. The pachyderm was fully visible now and I had no solution. I pondered on an Apple, but it was still a computer.
Dell’s scavenger hunt of 2007 derailed my efforts. I won a red notebook that I fell in love with. With my new laptop, I entered my 10th year of being in the computer age and viewed this as a new start. Writing has always been the start off point for my creative juices. I needed a solution for my addition and creative block and the blog was the answer. I revamped my website into a blog. Soon there after I was in a start and stop complex with various art projects until I was derailed by malware in July 2010. After recovering, I did nothing! There were a few uninspiring blog posts, but nothing like 2009. I forced myself into a time out. I watched all my DVDs and listened to all my CDs. I ushered in 2011 hungry to create in electronic mediums, but I’m weary of the beast within and what it nearly robbed me of. For months I labored over this post at work and it been six months since my last post! I’m ready to express.